820 - Lasting Results: What Separates Boys From Men
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[00:00:00] Hey, hey, what's up my man? It's the Thea Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you're having an amazing day. Uh, today we're going to talk about lasting results. What separates the boys from the men. Ooh, man. I don't know. I hear a title like that. I'm like, well, I want to be a man about this.
So you better tell me everything and I'm going to do it. Uh, so anyways, we're going to talk about, uh, how lasting results really do play into. Uh, I guess kind of the mark of manhood and what it means to be a man. [00:01:00] Um, and I think it's going to be really good. I think you're going to really enjoy it. Uh, look, if you don't have a copy of my book yet, the last relapse, uh, that is my guide, my whole framework for our recovery system that we walk our guys through.
Uh, you can get your copy of it at the last relapse book. com completely free of charge. Uh, make sure you get your hands on that. Let's jump into today's content. Okay. So lasting results. You know, this is a really interesting. Concept and I would say that for the work that we're doing right now. Um, this is I don't know This is I think as as relevant as it's ever been Uh, you know, I have a coaching practice called deep clean.
I help men quit pornography in 120 days or less We have a you know Very refined system that's scripture based and science backed and all that good stuff thousands of guys have come through it and had success and great results the thing that we are asking ourselves all the time in our coaching practice is how do we You Allow guys to to experience changes in their lives that last.
[00:02:00] We're not a burn and churn kind of business. So we don't want people to just come through and yeah, you went four months without porn, but at month six and eight you're binging and you're relapsing all over again. That was that's not interesting to me because that's how you raise boys. If you want to raise men, you have to teach them how to play the long game and that's a lot more work.
So It was kind of a slog at first, you know, it wasn't, it's not the most fun in the world because truthfully, like we were good at helping guys get initial results, but lasting results were a lot harder to come by. And one of the things we realized is that a lot of systems are, are really trying to manipulate behaviors very quickly.
So they'll start going after your phone usage. They'll start going after, uh, you know, social media usage. Again, these are things that are important. We talk about them as well. But the emphasis is, you know, let's get the filter on. Let's figure out what we're going to do to get you totally clean [00:03:00] and totally free.
And As long as at the four month mark, we can say you hit XYZ, then, you know, we're good to go. Or a lot of programs don't even go four months, you know, they don't, they do three months because they know the longer they go, the harder it gets to work with the client. And you know, if they're not seasoned or they don't actually have the expertise, uh, they're not going to really be able to guide anyone beyond 90 days because after 90 days, it's like you can use all the tricks and tactics in the world.
Uh, but now the rubber really hits the road. So month four is often very revealing. It's very indicative. of, you know, whether or not someone's making progress. We found that lasting results is actually the marker, you know, when we really think about it. We love seeing marriages get restored. We love it when a guy, you know, quits pornography and gets a raise at work or a promotion or he goes and he starts that business he always wanted to start.
We love it when guys, uh, you know, we've seen some guys who have started their own businesses and ministries helping guys quit pornography and they've used a lot of our teachings and concepts because they were so impacted by it. I love [00:04:00] all of that. But truthfully, the, the, the lasting measure of success for myself as a business owner, my coaches, uh, all the people that are part of the work that we do helping guys quit pornography is how long do they stay free?
How long do they stay clean? That's the marker. And again, you know, we can have a conversation about, you know, you can be sober for years, but you're not necessarily free, absolutely true. But you know, generally, if guys are doing it the right way, they're actually getting to the roots. Then they're going to experience a lot of freedom, um, in the long run, it's sort of compounds, you know, it's kind of a slow curve and then at some point you get this inflection and, uh, massive growth happens very quickly.
What I'm trying to say in all of this is whether we're talking about relationships, whether we're talking about finances, whether we're talking about, uh, you know, goodness, whatever it might be, what we want to do is we want to make sure that we are prioritizing long term results. [00:05:00] over short term. Um, another great example is, uh, fitness.
You know, I'm working with a personal trainer. Uh, I was at his gym last week doing a leg workout and he gets a text from one of his clients who wants to take Ozempic, uh, which is, you know, uh, the world's leader leading kind of fat loss pharmaceutical right now. Very, very popular. And, uh, I was asking him, I said, well, like, is, is he super overweight or like, why does he want to take Ozempic?
He said, bro, I don't know. Check out these pictures. Okay, And he shows me kind of a before picture when this guy started working with him and he was very skinny. Okay. And since then, he's put on some muscle and he's got a six pack coming in, but he still has a little bit of fat on his body just from this gaining season that he went through.
And so I said, why would he take Oseptic? I don't understand. He said, well, in four weeks, He's going on a vacation and he wants to look shredded for it. So he's asking me if Ozempic is going to help him lose weight so that he can just look [00:06:00] totally cut when he's on the beach with his shirt off. This is a really good example of a man who is actually a boy.
Like the way he's approaching it is a boy. He is, he is pursuing a short term gain without considering the long term consequences. Of a pharmaceutical that is actually still not super well understood real men consider the long term outcome finances are another great one You know My wife and I have dramatically changed our financial position the last four or five years And I know friends who were in better financial positions than us four or five years ago that are now asking us for advice and input You know Because they actually, you know, when we kind of boil everything down, they were making great money, but they weren't making good decisions with their great money.
And now five years later, between inflation, you know, they're making about the same amount, maybe a tiny bit more. But now they feel they're falling behind. They're not, they weren't investing for their future. They're shopaholics. They're, you know, poor decision makers with their, their [00:07:00] finances and they don't understand how to kind of get ahead.
And so those conversations we're having with people are a lot about, you know, long term thinking, making short term results for the long term outcome and so on and so forth. You know, Dave Ramsey has this saying, you have to live like no one else so that one day you can live and give like no one else.
And the, the, the actual, the way he says it better, he doesn't say it this way as much anymore, I don't think. I, although, I don't actually know. I haven't listened to him in years. But he used to say, you have to live like no one else now so you can live like no one else later. And the point he was making is that, you know, you have to make sacrifices that people may not understand now.
But one day you're going to have wealth that, you know, other people aren't used to having. And there's something to be said about that, whether it's in recovery, whether it's in your marriage, uh, my goodness, the amount of men who make shortcuts or take shortcuts in their marriage, and then they end up paying the price for it later on.
It's really, really high guys. It's really bad. Um, if you want to be [00:08:00] a man successful in the 21st century, I would honestly say there's only one thing you need to do. And that is prioritize long term outcomes. Prioritize long term outcomes. If you prioritize long term outcomes. Everything else falls into place.
Everything else prioritize long term outcomes and you will start to make the short term sacrifices. You'll start to get the right experts and practitioners in your corner helping you. You'll start to listen to the right material. You'll start to, you know, spend time with the right people and maybe edge out some of those people who weren't quite the right people to be in your circle to help you grow in this area.
I mean, I don't know. All you need to do is just prioritize long term outcomes. So instead of wanting to quit porn in the next 90 to 120 days, let's talk about you being a free man two years from now. How does that change what you do now? Because I guarantee you, you're going to do something differently.
Rather than you getting rich quick and becoming a millionaire in the next two years, let's talk about you being a millionaire in the next 20 years. Now you might be saying, Cynthia, I can't [00:09:00] wait that long. I'm not saying you have to wait that long. I'm just saying in your thinking, Let's, let's prioritize a longterm outcome.
Let's have a longterm approach. And this is the crazy part. Okay. And let me give you one more example. You know, rather than trying to get jacked in the next year or trying to lose a bunch of weight in the next year, what would it look like for you to be in the best shape of your life? Five years from now?
How would, how would that impact what you do right now in your workouts? Again, this is what separates the boys from the men. If that feels uncomfortable or unnatural to think that way, it should, it means that you're actually immature and you're thinking, and there's areas that you probably need to develop and grow.
Sorry to call a spade a spade, but this is a chance for you to really step into manhood and be the man that God has made you to be. So what I want to say to you is, rather than taking the shortcuts, rather than, you know, whatever it might be, let's prioritize long term outcomes. Because if we prioritize long term outcomes, everything else that we do, kind of [00:10:00] reverse engineering leading up to it, begins to change.
We begin to make decisions with that long term outcome. In mind, and this is really, really powerful. And what I wanted to say is, you know, when you set the long term outcome, like people who say, you know what? My goal is to be a millionaire in 20 years. It never takes them that long.
Never, never, never, never, never. And people who say, I want to be a millionaire in the next 12 months, they almost never become millionaires in the next 12 months. Very, very small percentage. Most people just set unrealistic expectations. They take shortcuts and then they don't get lasting results. You're not going to do that because you're not a boy.
You're a man. What are men going to do? They're going to set lasting results. They're going to set longterm goals and outcomes, and they're going to let that flavor and inform the decisions they make today. And in the nearest future, they're not going to take shortcuts. Instead, they're going to play the long game.
They're going to make sacrifices now, and they're going to do what it takes to get the right people in their corner. So that five, 10, 15, how [00:11:00] many, however many years it is from now. They can have that desirable outcome in the process of you doing that. You're going to get it a lot faster. That's the beauty of this whole thing.
It's kind of this reverse psychological tactic. It works really well. So that's everything for today, my friend. I hope this helps you a little bit. I can't stress this enough. And especially if you're in recovery, Everything we just laid out here. This is like the bare bones basics of how you should be thinking about recovery to have lasting freedom and to become the man God made you to be.
If you want to find out more, you can always book a call with my team. There's a link in the show notes for you to do that. We would love to speak with you to see if we can help in the meantime. Thank you guys so much for listening. God bless you. We'll talk soon. Bye bye. [00:12:00]