801 - Q and A with Sathiya, Shawn, & Oskar
===
[00:00:00] Hey, hey, what's up, my man? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you guys so much for listening and tuning in to a Q& A episode. This is a really special episode. We've been doing question and answers for about three months now, but you noticed if you've been listening that we're just answering them written so far, you know, we kind of want to test the waters.
See what it felt like. But we have been talking about doing live coaching. I think I've been talking about this since the end of last year. It's taken a little bit of time to get here, but [00:01:00] today is the day we are going to bring some listeners on live. We're going to coach them through some issues. It's going to be a lot of fun, uh, and hopefully really insightful.
And I listened to other podcasts and platforms that do this. I find it so helpful to just hear what other people are going through. And so often people come in with a question and it's like, Oh, that's me. I have that too. And I'm hoping that that same effect takes place today. So we're gonna have a lot of fun.
I got coach Sean with me. Uh, we're gonna be chatting through some stuff before we get there. Uh, but in the meantime, welcome to the show and. Coach Sean, how you doing, man? Yeah, I'm doing well, man. I am excited for the segment to move, maybe from more insightful teaching ideas to like the coaching element of what we do.
So that'll be cool. I've never done anything quite like this before, but obviously coach guys every day. So I'm excited to see how the Lord uses that. Um, yeah. So stoked about that, man. Yeah, bro, it's gonna be fun. So okay. I I've just done a bunch of Fitness podcast interviews and [00:02:00] I have another one coming up here soon.
And the one thing that's coming up in a lot of fitness circles is Social media and there's a book I keep everybody keeps talking to me about this book and I'm forgetting now What it is, but somebody released a book that kind of, you know, collected a bunch of findings about, um, about just how social media has been impacting people, you know, cause now we have about a decade worth of data and the results are really bad.
It's, it's not good. And in our space, the one thing I've identified is that social media really is the gateway drug to pornography. Like when you hear about somebody's relapse and you kind of, uh, Reverse engineered and you break it down almost always social media or some form of dead scrolling or, or softer content consumption is right in the middle.
It's like they got triggered social media content consumption that was not pornography in the middle and then bam, they watched pornography. So I, I [00:03:00] think this is like a huge topic and it's social media. So normalized that. We sometimes don't even realize, but what do you think, man? Have you observed the same thing with our clients?
Yeah, I'd say the common trend when we have the intake form of external triggers, I'd say 90 percent of the time it's social media or a more defined app that they're using or, you know, the term death scrolling. Um, you know, it's amazing how many guys, you know, use their phone on the toilet. And obviously that just is just crazy to think about how we're numbing out even when we're just Taking a dump.
Yeah, seriously. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's, that's like, I remember listening to a podcast one time and they were talking about that. Like the one guy was like, man, I'm really working on trying to go to the bathroom without my phone. And I was like, that seems so trivial. And then I realized I do it every single day.
You know, and it's like, I mean, I'm not on social media, but still like there's, it's just weird how these things become so embedded. So you talked about, you talked about how it's a, [00:04:00] like a very common external trigger and maybe another day we'll, we'll talk about internal triggers, external triggers. But what, why do you think, or what exactly does social media do?
Why, why does it serve as sort of that bridge between being triggered and. An actual slip or relapse. Yeah. Yeah. Just real real quick because I think it's important to relatability. Um, in the summertime, I guess I would have been, uh, I don't know, 7 months, 8 months ago. I was on the toilet with my phone and I left my phone up on the ledge where like the bathroom spray is and ended up like hopping in the car.
To leave somewhere with my family and realize we had to like, stop and go back a minute to go get my phone. I was so like, embarrassed, but also just like, what am I doing? And it caused her for some like, deep reflections. And it's actually, I haven't have not brought my phone into the bathroom since that, because it really led me to some further reflection that, uh, Clearly was using the phone as a way to numb.
So that aside, it's got to be full confession. It's great to learn those things of wow, we all have to go [00:05:00] through those things to learn. But what I've noticed, and this was from my own experience is very commonly the phone in general, social media is a place where we're really. Trying to find validation from, from my experience.
I was, um, I think it was about a month. I, I noted every time I grabbed my phone, what I was grabbing it for, you know, I think it ended up being five out of a hundred times. It was something, you know, purposeful, like, Hey, I have a text message or I need to do something, but every other time I was looking for validation.
I was wondering if somebody noticed something about me commented on something about me. And I think that's the, that's the real drive to social media is to find validation. And then the problem with social media is that it's never enough because it's fake validation. So there's even like, you see these only fan models and all these people, like it's never enough.
They have to keep going because it's false. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was, um, I was listening to a podcast with John Deloney who's going to be on the show by the way, in a couple [00:06:00] of months, uh, we're really excited to have him on, but he was basically talking about how he has tried all kinds of things with the phone and social media and all this stuff.
And his conclusion ultimately was. I can't win. Like, I can't, I can't win. You know, like, it doesn't matter what you do. Like, these devices and these apps are so brilliantly programmed to keep you hooked, to keep you checking the 95 out of 100 times that you don't actually need to check that, like, it's, it's a really, really steep uphill battle.
And I thought that was, it was a good way of putting it. And I, I really resonate with it. Like I, I feel like every month or so I sit down and I think to myself, how can I use my phone less? You know, cause it's just, and I don't even use my phone. Like my screen time comes out anywhere between an hour and a half to two hours a day.
And most of that time is like, well, these days it's like tracking food, you know, it's like tracking food and all that kind of stuff. It's not even, You know, unproductive per se, but it's still it still just drives me crazy how much we kind [00:07:00] of rely on it. So the book, by the way, is The Anxious Generation.
Jonathan Haidt. I'm not sure how to pronounce his last name there, but it's The Anxious Generation. How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness. And again, I have not dove into the book myself yet, but everything I've heard is just riveting and kind of confirming everything that we knew, which is that, you know, obviously phones rewire our brains and the link between, you know, technology usage and mental illness is staggering and this guy's a social psychologist.
So this isn't just someone with an opinion. This guy really goes through the data and has seen it anecdotally. In working with kids, uh, in this practice and, uh, yeah, really good. We'll put a link in the show notes if people want to go check it out. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It sounds like an amazing resource. Um, so I think that's probably the, one of the things that I see commonly, but the, the, the challenging part about maybe when somebody has something to post that feels like it's [00:08:00] valuable, they're, they're always going to be in that cycle of feeling undervalidated and wanting more.
Um, but then we also have the, the, the, the people that kind of go on social media. Feeling really down. And that's where there's so much comparison. I think we all compare to some degree, but it can really be a place to, yeah, to end up being feeling really defeated as you compare to other people who are married, who have this, who have that.
And I think that's one of the main ways, it's a gateway to right, to pornography. Um, that maybe that seems like the very obvious thing, like, yeah, I'm going on there. It's people that are married. And that's the common thing that I hear from people, social media. I've seen other people that have better bodies and better lives.
And then I just feel bad about myself and I go to porn, but you know, there's a lot more below that, but that's a really common thing that I hear as well. Yeah. So what do you think? Cause you have two daughters now and you know, I have a son and I don't know where things are going to be, you know, a couple of years from now, let alone maybe [00:09:00] 15, 20 years from now, when our kids are teenagers and young adults.
Yeah. Have you and Helena ever talked about what you guys are going to do with like social media and technology for your kids? Yeah, we've had we've had some discussions Uh, I I think it's really challenging. I think we're really blessed where we live in an area where it's not so Important to have like the coolest things or or uh needing all the technology Uh, it's very rural and, and, uh, not going to be, uh, like a Vancouver, Toronto type of place.
I think there's a blessing in that, but, you know, it, it doesn't mean that, um, it doesn't infiltrate, you know, that, you know, 10 years from now, things would look totally different. So, I think for us, we, we do think it's important for, you know, when violets, you know, whatever age, let's say 6 or 7, probably to have some sort of, uh.
Uh, ability to make a phone call, but that phone doesn't need to be anything more than a Nokia brick phone. Like the purpose is safety and contact, not her to go out and explore the, the interweb, but we, we've already, we've already started having really important conversations [00:10:00] with her. I mean, we, I think sometimes we might even talk too much about certain things, just, just the nature of, of the work that, you know, Holland and I do.
And, uh, yeah, of course it's going to be an ongoing conversation. I think as. Social pressure comes on. I think there's a really important element where how do you not give into social pressure, but also see where there's maybe a protection of your child, where there's certain things you get them that is going to keep them from being bullied, but you're not opening the door for them to get themselves into really bad stuff.
Like there's even been some things I've seen about that. And then there's Stanley, um, Tumblr fit craze, like. A lot of these parents are like, you know, my kid is literally getting bullied for not having a Stanley tumbler. So, you know, I'm buying them a Stanley tumbler so they don't get bullied, but I'm communicating with them that this thing is nothing like this is this.
This means nothing to us as a family. Like the value is you were getting this for you so that you don't get treated like crap at school. It's a very interesting thing to consider. [00:11:00] That's crazy. So crazy. The Stanley that's like the Stanley. I'm guessing that's the same brand as like the Stanley mugs Yeah so they like rebranded to be like really cool and hip tumblers now and people have like 2, 000 worth of Stanley tumblers as these collections.
It's just new craze It's one on this new status symbol that I like eight year old girls are like crying at Christmas We're getting a Stanley because it means they're now somebody at their school Like it's a water cup. I'm not ready for that, man. That part of parenthood, I am not prepared for. My goodness.
Yeah. This is why I'm so excited to get John Deloney on actually, cause, um, he, so he actually just talked about that dynamic you were addressing earlier, which is, Not wanting to give him a social pressure or social pressure, not being a good enough reason to do something for your child, good or bad, but at the same time, not ostracizing your kid from social norms and social acceptance.
Right. And it's a fine line. But with his kids, he basically drew a hard line. He's like, [00:12:00] no cell phones, no social media. And obviously the kids are like, dad, that's not fair. And all my friends have and blah, blah, blah. And he was basically like, man, too bad. You know, like you guys live in my house. And I'm doing what's best for you.
And you know, this is what I think is best. And his kid, this was like a year ago that I heard him talk about that. And he said, yeah, it's really tough, you know, and sometimes my kids don't like it, but we make an effort to have our kids friends over to our place a lot so that. They get the socialization and the friends know that when they're here, there's a big fruit bowl on the table.
Everybody puts their phones in. It's like a no phone zone and they can come get their phone obviously if they need to make a call or whatever. It's not like they're not handcuffing them, so to speak, but it's just like, you know, learn to have fun without your phone. But on the same interview I was referencing, he actually got interviewed on mind pump and he was talking about how his 15 year old.
I think it was came to him and it was like, you know, dad, when you were my age, you still at least had a phone to call your friends. Like, sure, you didn't have the [00:13:00] internet and you couldn't text people, but at least you could phone people and communicate with them that way. And he was like, dang, that's actually a pretty good point.
And so they came up with a new arrangement where it's like he's, he does have, I think they got a, maybe it was even, they got a landline installed. I don't remember the details. He may not have shared them, but they came up with some arrangements so that he can actually call his friends now and his friends can call him and like.
He's at least not disconnected from the world when he gets home, like his social world, but he's still protected from social media and you know, some of the things that he considers to be harmful technologically, which is just, it's fascinating, just a fascinating dance and some of these weird things that we have to navigate or well, that they have to navigate as parents.
You and I will probably be navigating completely different issues with AI and robots and VR and you know, only the Lord knows what, but. Yeah, it's, it's a dance. It's a dance for sure. Wow. Yeah. Really valuable to hear those reflection points. You know, the conversation of sleepovers, the conversation of this and that, right?
Huge [00:14:00] conversations. So, so much to come. So yeah, don't, don't claim to have any experience. Obviously those are like future ideas and. You know, Helena has a bit of a wrestle with that idea of sleepovers, you know, with the work that I do, I have a lot of hesitancy with so much sexual abuse happening at sleepovers and with cousins and friendships.
So it's really, really challenging to think about what, where do I land on that? And. Yeah, I like, you know, sorry, I like his opinion. Like, you know, if we're going to do sleepovers, I would want it to be at my home. You know, that's kind of where I'm reflecting on right now. No, no landing, but certainly reflecting and continuing to pray about it.
We have friends. I'm trying to remember who this was. Someone just the other day though. They're like, yeah, we don't do sleepovers. And they, and we were like, what, you know, it seems so extreme. And they said, well, you know, if you look at the statistics of where peer to peer abuse happens, where a lot of people have their first exposure to pornography, all that kind of stuff.
Like, I don't know what the, I forget if they, [00:15:00] I don't even know if they had a number, but they're like a majority or sleepovers and all of a sudden I got like this flood of memories of sleepovers. That's when my friends and I got into all kinds of shenanigans. When we were 10 to, you know, 17 years old. It was like.
We all knew if we were going to sleep over somewhere, like we were probably going to watch some porn or we were going to drink. Um, you know, I was fortunate to not be involved in any sexual abuse scenarios, but I could totally see how that would just be a breeding ground for it. So yeah, it's kind of, it's just fascinating.
It's like. Just weird things to think about, right? And it's social media. That's also, uh, educating these young kids of what they might do in a sleepover, right? It's social media. That's making this Stanley tumbler a craze. It's social media. That's doing all this stuff because there's no actual critical thinking anymore.
Yeah, that's an interesting point that the critical thinking piece is something I'm thinking about a lot. Critically might I add, uh, but you know, like just because when, when we were in university, [00:16:00] like critical thinking is like the thing that they teach you. Right. Which is. You don't accept something just because someone told you or just cause you, especially cause you read it online.
Like in those days you could barely use online references cause they was like, Oh, just cause you Google that doesn't matter. And it's funny cause there's still truth to that. Like you should be really weary of what you Google, but at the same time we all Google stuff and none of us have all the time in the world to just, you know, do like a deep dive on everything.
Anyway, the point is in university for me, it was like critical thinking. You analyze everything, you ask a bazillion questions, And your default is skepticism, and then I kind of like got into these charismatic circles of my faith journey and really pursuing the supernatural and you're seeing healings and signs and wonders and God do like miraculous, like literally miraculous things, things that were not explainable any other way and the, the you know, Mantra in those circles is basically don't ask questions or it can be now This is a it's a little bit extreme like there are healthy environments where they they have a better rounded [00:17:00] message But a lot of them it's like we don't ask questions now.
We ask questions later we just we ask God to do the thing we wanted to do and we figure it out after and Kind of this complete abandonment of any sort of critical thinking because it could interfere with your faith That's like sort of the philosophy and if I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, maybe, maybe I just didn't interpret the messages correctly.
But anyway, it's interesting, like, uh, being back in this space now for five years where I am, you know, vetting research all the time, I literally chunk out like a whole morning, uh, at least once a month where I'm just going through the research and reading through journal articles and trying to understand what's going on.
And, uh, yeah, it's, it's, it's interesting trying to be a critical thinker without being a skeptic, you know? Um, Cause we do, cause I do want to have faith, you know, and even with our clients, like. When we coach clients, it's like we, we cannot rely on the stats or their track records or anything like that to inform what we're expecting in their outcome.[00:18:00]
Um, and it's, it's still tempting. Like even for me, sometimes I still find myself, Going into those like low expectation settings because of X, Y, Z. And I have to remind myself, no, no, no, no, no. Like it doesn't matter what the data says. It doesn't matter what the research says, you know, like we know God has a plan.
And obviously again, if we look at the data within our program, that really helps me too. Cause it's like, actually our track record is really good. So, you know, rest assured, but just interesting again, like interesting dances. You kind of go between. Being people of faith and wanting to believe in hope for the best, but also, you know, not denying facts and reality.
And sometimes the skepticism that comes with it. Yeah. Yeah. It's challenging. I often tell guys that one of the things that's kept me growing in my life, past porn sobriety into deeper levels of freedom is a, is a mostly healthy skepticism. I'm, I'm, I'm very skeptical of my life when I'm not thriving. I'm very skeptical as to why is that?
Cause. Christ promises abundance, at least from a spiritual [00:19:00] emotional level. And when I'm not thriving in that, I'm very skeptical. Like what's wrong? Like there's something that's not clicking the way that Christ intended. I need to investigate that. And I often encourage you guys, like that's what's going to propel you to real freedom is that you keep a healthy skepticism.
That's that's just grounded in the cross grounded in the gospel. Yeah. So good, man. Yeah. Some people I think are too. Relying on the conviction of the Holy Spirit and not willing enough to just go in and convict themselves. So I love the way you put that. Like I, I become skeptical when there's something in my life that isn't Christ.
Like, I forget how you said that, but that was really nice. Um, that's a good, that's a good little kind of landmark, you know, for our, even for our audience, for you guys listening, like that's a good, that's a good metric, you know, and there is, there is a greater reward. There's things that I've been convicted by the Holy Spirit where it's like, I had no idea.
But now that you pointed it out, Holy Spirit, I see it. It's crystal clear and I'm [00:20:00] on it. I'm going to do something about this. But there are times where I've been convicted by something and it's like, Man, I knew this, you know, and if I would have just dealt with this when I knew it. It would have been so much easier, less consequences and repercussions, less pain, less grief or loss, getting rid of the thing.
So that practice you just mentioned, that's really powerful, man. That's I'm quite impressed by that. I've never heard anyone say it that way. That's pretty cool. Yeah, man. It's been the lifeline to me continuing to grow. And I, and I always kind of, I come from like an anxious household, a lot of pessimism, And it's really cool how the Lord has blessed it.
Obviously, it's still a challenge in many ways. I can maximize things. I can be anxious and pessimistic. Helena's always telling me when that happens. But, uh, it's amazing how the Lord's really honored that trauma I went through and has used it for good. Yeah, that's cool. That's really cool. Okay, let's, let's jump in and we'll answer some questions.
Awesome. Yes. So first question is from Danny Ontario. Uh, his question is, I would like to get recommendations of software [00:21:00] or non expensive apps to block inappropriate learning content on my family phones, computers and iPhones. How could I do that? Hey, Danny, thanks for the question, man. So, uh, yeah, it looks like this is probably for you, but maybe for your kids as well, or maybe even primarily for your kids.
So a couple things, uh, before we start talking about the software, the apps, what we actually want to talk about first is the communication. So, um, if this is for you specifically, then. Uh, you know, when clients work with us, we don't have them install any software or apps, um, to block content because those are band aid solutions.
They're, they're kind of, you know, dealing with things at a surface level. So if this is for you and you're looking to, you know, recover. I would say there's some better solutions here. And we'll, we'll talk about what those solutions are in a minute. Um, if we're talking about [00:22:00] kids, uh, uh, the same thing is true.
There are better solutions, but the actual solution is to make sure that you're having conversations with them. And so again, we obviously didn't get all the context here, but I would say that before you, you look for a software or an app, and we can make some recommendations because there are some good softwares and apps out there that, you know, you can use.
But before you do that, we want to make sure that you're actually having the conversation with your kids, um, and that you're, you're not just sweeping under the rug with some quick software or programs. Um, when I was struggling with pornography, uh, somehow, you know, there was a family computer at the time and somehow my parents, you know, found some of my, the content I had downloaded and they didn't talk to me about it.
They just installed, they basically went through this process and they just installed a filter or software or something. I still remember what it was called. And so the next time I went to watch, you know, I type it into the browser, it got blocked. And I thought. Oh, that's interesting. You know, and there was no conversation.
There was no [00:23:00] like, Hey, we observed this what's going on. Are you okay? Um, it was a very passive kind of move and the lack of communication around that, uh, really affected me. Cause I, I really felt ashamed. I felt like, Oh, if they're not going to talk to me about it, then I can never talk to them about it.
Um, and it made me kind of want to look harder and further to get my hands on content. I didn't really do anything as far as changing the behavior goes. So I would, I would be steering you away from like the apps and the softwares. Initially, I think with your kids, it's important that you're actually having conversations and broaching these.
Um, and we've interviewed a couple of people while, while Sean responds, I'll pull up a couple of, um, interview recommendations. Um, but then I think additionally, um, if this is for you as well, then definitely you want to make sure you're getting to the roots and not just relying on, you know, filters and that kind of stuff.
Yeah, the very, the very nature of blocking something in theory makes sense. There can be a time for recalibration if this is for [00:24:00] you, or that can be beneficial. So when we work with guys, really, what we want to help guys do is find freedom. So, you know, there's not really freedom in blocking things.
Usually the things that we block, um, Are the things that actually gain power to some degree. If we're not doing the internal work, that's why so many guys find loopholes and work around. So it's really good to see it from that perspective. Um, we just don't see them being helpful. Unless guys might be using them paired with real root healing internal change.
Um, I kind of use the concept of covet at times with guys where. You know, a lot of guys I know would stay home for a week or two. And, you know, let's say they had a staycation. They'd watch a bunch of movies and just hang out. But as soon as you're forced to stay home during covid, it was a problem for people.
And it's kind of like once something's blocked or avoided or kind of forced. It's a different scenarios. It's psychologically different. So if this is for your kids, yeah, if that's like something that's forced upon them. There's no conversation that's going to create a really challenging dynamic, and it could break trust, could break communication.
So the [00:25:00] idea there is, yeah, communication 1st, even asking them what kind of what kind of help do they need? What would they want to see? Uh, do they want to be a part of this with you? I think that's so valuable and like getting their buy in, uh, it might actually save you the money from having to buy a software because they actually feel they're getting their needs met through conversation and connection and intimacy with somebody that is a part of their life.
So yeah, lots of different angles there. Um, so we'll probably just leave it at that for now. And then maybe we can talk about some of the actual software that can be better than just the general block everything ones. Yeah, for sure. The other thing I would add just for people who maybe are in recovery themselves and a bit confused by the advice here, if you have a blocker and you find it's helpful, keep it so we're not like 1000 percent against them.
And we think they're useless. I think if people don't aren't in the habit of of having it there, then we don't personally like our philosophy just doesn't involve I will. Absolutely. [00:26:00] And most of our clients are able to experience well, all of our clients are able to experience freedom sobriety without their filters.
Um, so that being said though, like if someone has it, we don't, we're not like, okay, well if you're going to work with us, you've got to get rid of that thing. You know, we're not, we're not like that. It's like, Hey, if it's helping, that's great. You know, keep it and we're going to build upon it and work with what you got going.
So just for those that are listening that already have it, you don't have to go on and install your, your filter. We're not really like that. It's just that if you don't have it, Get to the roots. That would be a lot more helpful. Um, and the interview, there's an interview with Carl Thomas. Uh, he, he released a book called when Shane gets real about two years ago, right around the same time as my book.
Actually, we kind of did a swap. Um, and he actually shared some really powerful stories there about talking to his kids and what that looked like. And even giving a little bit of guidance on it. Um, so I, I would say, um, that would be a really good interview to check out. That's episode one 95. And, um, and I think that that might give you some more ideas on what those conversations could look like with your kids in a way that's, you know, [00:27:00] age appropriate and ultimately effective.
Um, Sean, what are your recommendations for software, um, to help with this? Yeah. Yeah. I saw recently Jay stringer and his wife are going to be doing a. Conference virtual conference on call. I think it's called body talks on how to talk to your kids about these elements. And Jay Stringer is one of my favorite guys when it comes to understanding the sexual story.
So, um, that that could be something to consider looking into his book on wanted to learn more about how to handle these things. But, uh, the, the 2 software's generally that come to my mind, the 1st, 1 is covenant eyes, mainly just because it's a more of a screen monitoring software that can be really helpful to have further conversations rather than just blocking things.
You get to actually monitor when things happen and talk about them. I think that can be really powerful. And when you learn things from guys like Jay Stringer, the types of searches, the types of porn actually tells a story of the deeper longing of someone's heart that can, that can create incredible avenues for conversation and intimacy.[00:28:00]
Um, there's an awesome app that my wife has used for quite a number of years now called it's called freedom. I think it's like freedom. ai. Something along those lines. It's like a green, uh, logo with, I think it's a butterfly. Um, that's been an awesome software for her with just being able to focus. She has, she's, she's been, uh, you know, struggle with ADHD for seasons of her life.
So it's just really helped her not just focus when she's working, but block certain things, have a timer when she's able to go on things like social media. Go on certain apps. So it's, it's not just a blocker, it's more of a strategic, um, software to help you do what you wanna do and, and kind of leave the rest to, to blocks, but you can still have all these other things.
So that, that's been a really helpful app. I don't use it extensively, obviously with the philosophy here. I like to be able to have those freedoms. I, I, I don't really struggle too much with my phone or technology stuff, so that, that's just been part of my story. I know that those apps are tremendously helpful, um, for.[00:29:00]
Even entrepreneurship and business. So freedom app has been good. Yeah. Uh, I don't think I'd add too much covenant. Heisman is definitely the industry leader for a reason. There's their software is fantastic. Um, and then I used to use, um, uh, stay focused. It's a Chrome extension. Um, and it was really good for blocking.
I didn't use it to block porn sites per se. Um, but it was really helpful for blocking like social medians, you know, stuff that we talked about here that can kind of be the gateway. Um, and I had the same thing. It was like, yeah, from whatever it was noon to two o'clock, you know, I had a little window where I was allowed to go on the sites, otherwise they were blocked.
So it really helped me stay focused and, um, you know, not go on those sites. And especially later times in the day where, you know, generally people are more prone to slipping. So hopefully some of those help out. Great question, man. Uh, thanks so much for asking. Next question is from Caleb in the USA. His question is how long is this process?
Yeah. How [00:30:00] long is recovery? Oh, it's the million dollar question. You know, I remember when I started out, it was like, it wasn't even how long is this? It was like, how quickly can this be done? Um, you know, because I think, uh, especially when you start out, you're so obsessed with just getting the results and getting the outcome.
Um, you know, when clients work with us, like, there's a pretty good chance after 4 months, um, that you've experienced at least a couple months of sobriety. I think if it's done well, you can start to see that kind of result pretty quickly. I think for real freedom where it's like, okay, you have officially.
transformed. There's no turning back. You're a different person. And these habits are cemented like the good habits are cemented. I think you're looking at two to five years. That's pretty typical. I think if someone did a really good job, And you were super diligent. I think maybe instead of two years, maybe one and a half years would be kind of the bottom of that, that range.
Um, but it, it really does take time. Like, like good things take time, you know? And so I [00:31:00] think, um, I think that's the kind of process you're looking at for a full outcome. But I want, I want you to hear me loud and clear in as, as early as two months. If you're really going about this the right way, you're getting to the roots.
for superficial solutions. Um, definitely, you know, if you have a guide with you, a therapist or a coach or some sort of expert who's really guiding you along the way, Um, yeah, I would say in as little as two months, you could see a pretty dramatic shift and then you end up spending the next call it year to two years, uh, preserving that progress and, you know, slowly building on it.
But those early months can be really catalytic and really momentous, uh, until you reach that place of full freedom. Yeah. Sobriety is like the. Initial change to show that something's working. The problem is the sobriety can be a little bit false. It can show that something's working and then it's not backed up by the things that should be working.
And then [00:32:00] guys, you know, relapse in a month or two months. I've had guys, you know, go a year or two of sobriety with no heart change. So that's where it gets tricky. And that's where sometimes we get that question of how long does this take? Take and guys have been in therapy for five years and have never gotten to the root problem.
They've been in therapy for, you know, eight years and never got into the root problem. So it is a challenging question. Um, my perspective would be the same as Sophia's. If we looked at the process of doing it with a, let's start with sobriety and moving to freedom, get to the root issues and deal with the actual problem.
Yeah, you're looking at probably two to eight weeks to experience a level of sobriety. Yeah. Uh, you're looking at about 90 to 120 days to get over the withdrawal symptoms. And then you're looking at about, you know, one and a half to two years to start really feeling those levels of freedom, and then that just grows as you grow.
And one of the things that's so vital to consider is. Is that it's a stewarding process. Like as you get into new levels of [00:33:00] freedom, you want to steward that by growing more in other areas and whatnot. But I think the tests that I've noticed with guys that really says like, are you free is, are you starting to take risks in life and feel confident in them?
Cause if you go through recovery and have levels of sobriety, let's say for a year and a half, if you haven't really gone through hard things. You haven't actually dealt with anything triggering. That's like that challenging. Like it's kind of this idea of when you're squeezed, what's inside of you comes out.
And I'm always really excited when guys go through like really hard life stuff in the first four to six months of recovery and they stay sober. I'm like, this dude is actually moving towards freedom. So that is a huge test of, of, it's kind of the acid test of what is freedom is when S H I T hits the fan.
Do you stand firm in Christ or do you go back to old ways? That's so good, man. It's a really, really good point too, because I think, um, when we ask how long [00:34:00] is the process and we're sort of asking like, how quickly can this be done, that's when people really take shortcuts or, you know, anyone can have sobriety for a season.
Like, we're not really impressed by that. We'll, we'll celebrate it. Cause like you said, we know it's sort of the first step in a cascade of events that need to happen for you to be fully free. But that whole like litmus test of going through trials and hardships that dude you nailed it that that's it right there.
So Uh could not agree more. Um, really well said anything else we should add here for the length. I think that's a pretty good coverage Yeah, I think I think that's pretty good. Um, beautiful. So that's great, Caleb. Hopefully that helps, man. And, um, and, uh, we're cheering you on, man. God bless you and your recovery efforts.
Perfect. Well, hey, if you like the show, uh, make sure you go check us out, uh, Unleash the Man Within on all major platforms. I personally only listen to the podcast that I'm subscribed to. So make sure you're subscribed. Tune in next week. We're gonna answer some more questions. We've got some great interviews and a couple of cool teaching [00:35:00] segments coming up this week as well.
God bless you guys. Have an amazing day. We'll talk soon. [00:36:00]
