806 - Artifical Intimacy (The Real AI Crisis)
===
[00:00:00] Hey, what's up my man? It's Athea Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you're having a fantastic day. Look, we are going to talk about artificial intelligence today. a bigger subject coming up. and we're not actually talking about artificial intelligence.
We're talking about a little bit of a play on words with AI. , but before we jump into that, I want to let you know, I'm very active on Instagram these days. If you're not following me, you can join thousands over a hundred thousand people that are following our account, getting daily [00:01:00] advice and tips on how to quit pornography.
How to walk in integrity and ultimately how to achieve greater levels of freedom. If that sounds like something that you want in your feed and you want regular content about, which I think you'd be crazy not to want that, especially with all the junk that's out there on Instagram, make sure you click the link in the show notes, follow our account.
We'd love to see you over there. Okay, let's talk about the real AI crisis. You know, everyone's talking about Artificial intelligence and these learned language models that are now, uh, evolving and really like surfacing left, right and center. It feels like every single day of the week. Um, I want to talk about a different AI crisis that I think is much more significant than any technological advancements.
And that is the development, uh, the onset and the proliferation. Artificial intimacy, uh, this is a really interesting subject. You know, I, I remember I was at a, uh, a men's, uh, business owner group and one day they started asking me some questions about my work [00:02:00] and I made this statement honestly, just kind of in passing, but everybody was just quiet all of a sudden after I said it.
And I kind of wondered like, Oh, did I make a mistake? But they were just struck by how profound it was. You know, not that I'm so profound. But every once in a while I get a little nugget out there that seems to strike people. So we're talking about pornography. And I said, in essence, porn addiction is an intimacy disorder.
And the guys were kind of like, huh? Oh. You know, like it's, it was like, Oh, that makes sense. But really, are you sure, you know, is that really what it is? Um, We've helped thousands of guys quit pornography. We talked to tens of thousands of people every single month through this podcast, you know, another 13, 14, 000 on our mailing list that we were sending emails out to on a weekly basis and we get replies and it's so fun speaking to our audiences.
That's why we love the group code or not the group coaching, the live coaching that we're starting to do on this podcast. It's a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. But, uh, you know, the one thing that we see again and [00:03:00] again is when you try to kind of distill, okay, what's really at the core of this, why are people struggling, you know, and what drives somebody to view pornography again and again and again, um, you know, there, there's the unmet needs, there's the spiritual oppression, there's trauma, there's all these different kinds of things, but if I honestly could boil it down to one word, It would be intimacy.
Porn addiction is an intimacy disorder. It's not a sex disorder. It's an intimacy disorder. Like where intimacy is the, is sort of the conglomerate of emotional, mental, and physical connection. And it's, it's those all coming together that create our experience of intimacy. And when there's a disruption there, We experience disconnect.
We experience discomfort. We experience trauma. Uh, you know, the list goes on and on. What I'm trying to say with all this basically is that the reason you and I would even be [00:04:00] tempted to watch pornography in the first place is because of our fundamental wiring for intimacy. It ultimately provides us connection and the things that come with connection.
Uh, acceptance, right? Uh, a sense of belonging, maybe even purpose, quote unquote. It's obviously not much of a purpose, but a purpose nonetheless. These are the things that were meant to derive from meaningful intimacy and meaningful relationships. And porn sort of serves as fast food intimacy.
What I'm concerned about, and this is why I use the, the kind of play on words with AI. I'm concerned that people more and more are going to gravitate towards digital solutions for their needs and their desires. You know, there's virtual reality or augmented reality that's becoming very, very popular. Um, there's a lot of AI platforms that are, uh, making [00:05:00] pornography more real, more sensory, more stimulating.
Uh, more, you know, scintillating or sensational. Maybe is the better word. There's, there's a lot of developments and advancements and all of them are hitting not just on the dopamine circuits. That's sort of like the more, uh, surface level neurological component, but there's a much more human visceral component underneath this.
And that is our desire for intimacy. Now, the good news in all of this is that if we catch ourselves in compulsive sexual misbehavior, yes, there's likely an intimacy issue at play. But much more importantly is if we can heal our experience of intimacy, our capacity for intimacy, and we can have healthier experiences of intimacy, then not only will our behavior around pornography start to weaken, Our appetite will [00:06:00] as well.
And that's a really, really beautiful thing. So what does that mean? What does it mean to actually heal intimacy or to, you know, kind of repair these areas of our lives? Well, I would say there's probably a couple of things you for sure want to do. Number one is our, our blueprint for intimacy is set by our parents and the way we relate with them when we are young.
There's a psychological concept here called imprinting and we have imprints for various things, but really at the core of it. Um, the, the most important imprint is really attachment. And so attachment wounds often drive a lot of compulsive sexual behavior. And if we can heal from these attachment wounds, things can go a long way.
Now, that's why we bring in somebody like Adam Lane Smith. who talks about attachment. Um, we've brought in Dr. Jake Porter and gone through attachment. Highly recommend you check out some of those other episodes. They're fantastic. Um, but I would say number [00:07:00] one is we want to work through attachment wounds, attachment issues.
Often it is healing those areas that can bring so much health to our experience of our sexuality and urges and desires. And I can't tell you the number of guys who recover or sorry, or heal through attachment wounds. And then all of a sudden they notice like, Hey, I'm not tempted as often. Or when I am tempted, I feel stronger.
I feel less of a pull. It feels a lot more manageable, like literal reprogramming goes on in the body when attachment wounds are healed correctly. And that's really cool. That's where inner child work can come into play. EMDR can actually even do a little bit of it. Um, and there's, there's some other modalities that we highly recommend as well, uh, but those really go a long way.
The second thing is that we need to find places where we can experience intimacy healthily and this is not always easy. Now you might be asking like, well, what do you mean? Are you saying I need to go have a bunch of girlfriends? You know, like what? What does that mean to have [00:08:00] intimacy in a healthy way?
Well, you can have intimacy. In a marriage, you can have intimacy in a friendship. You can have even intimacy in a, um, you know, a professional relationship. I'm not talking about professional intimacy. Let's not get the language mixed up, but I'm talking about opening up to a therapist or something like that.
There, there's a degree, there's an intimate sharing that takes place. Uh, except it's, it's one, it's in one direction. Now we know that's not really, healthy long term or that's not quite what we want. I will say that if that's where you need to start, I think that's great. What we're ultimately looking for is the experience of intimacy is what we would describe as into me.
See, it's literally the word into me see. And so it's making a conscious choice to be seen and to be known. And like I said, this can happen in friendships. This can happen in, um, romantic relationships. It can happen in your small groups at church or other communities you're a part of. And it could also happen in a professional environment with a [00:09:00] therapist or somebody else that you might pay to meet with.
But the point is learning to find those places where you can be transparent to be seen and to be affirmed. For who you are, that's where it's at. And I'll tell you, nothing was more healing for me than being part of a community. I I'm, I'm thinking of a particular window of time. It wasn't even that long.
It was like six months, six months where me and three other dudes hung out. We did everything together. We shared about all the challenges of life. It was just a unique season. We were all in the same place, same time. And that was so healing for me. Uh, cause I, I had so much that I was hiding. I had so much pressure to, to be a certain way and it looked like I had it all together and I was able to just let my hair down.
Be transparent and went a long way. Number three, and maybe most importantly, your, if there was an intimacy kind of, um, Schematic, it would be you in the middle, there would be a vertical line going up, and then you'd have lines that are going, uh, laterally, horizontally, and lines that are also going diagonally beneath you.
[00:10:00] That line going vertical is your relationship with God. And the truth is nobody can satisfy our desire for intimacy, no one can do it perfectly other than God. You have, you have this, this God shaped void in your heart and you can fill it with pornography. You can fill it with masturbation.
You can fill it with fantasies and affairs and infidelity. But ultimately that that thing in you that longs to feel close that longs to feel connected That thing was meant to be filled by god first And the beautiful thing is god did not put each of us on a desert island that that was not the idea He he he designed us to be social creatures and to be in connection with other people but Where we start is actually in Him, we start in our relationship with him.
And as we do that, and as, as our hearts get filled in our connection with him, we are then able to come into other relationships, not [00:11:00] just being takers, but being givers as well. And what happens when we have got out of the equation is we end up trying to get people and humans to fill God sized holes that are in our heart.
And that that's a problem. That's going to put unfair expectations. It's going to put a lot of pressure and it's going to create dysfunction in those relationships. So that's everything for today. I want to highly encourage you guys, you know, this is, this is it. Like this is the essence of recovery from porn addiction.
And if you can really capitalize on some of these concepts, uh, you'll see a dramatic shift, not just in your behavior, but even your attitudes, your urges, your desires, all of those things will start to reform. When you begin to change the way you experience intimacy, so thank you guys so much for listening Have an amazing day And if you're not following me on instagram sathia me sam is the handle links in the show notes.
I'll see you over there God bless [00:12:00] [00:13:00]